I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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