How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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