Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
