I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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