He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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