those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
