people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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