I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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