Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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