Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
