I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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