Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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