Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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