Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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