If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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