what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
