just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
