oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just cut my nipple shaving
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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