Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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