Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
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Be still, my beating vagina.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
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Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i out mim tonsoeep
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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