then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my being single is dangerous.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
