I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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