I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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