I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
