from now on my penis is your penis
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
