Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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