My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
