I wish life had little blips of pornography
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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