New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
