I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
