I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
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I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
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Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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