I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
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Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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