Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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