I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
