Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
