ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
