went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
