it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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