I understand Curling. That high.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
