first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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