i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
