I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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