i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
