bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
