he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
