Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
