Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
