Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
