i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
