i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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