Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceaƱera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
