FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she pinky promised me she was 18
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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