the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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