yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
