This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
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