it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
