Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
