smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
