we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
God, I missed his penis.
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