dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
