on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
