i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
