If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
