I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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