my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Everything about him screamed your future.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
