when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
