Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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