Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
