do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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