Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Please, let me fuck your mom
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
