i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
