He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
