I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
