I think i peed on brittanys purse
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
