When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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