sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
