Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
