My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
